A Very Merry Steven Universe Christmas
by Neuralger
Summary: Amid preparations and presents, and family and friends, the Crystal Gem gang celebrates the year's end. But like any good year, it ends with a bang; Christmas is never easy for the Crystal Gem gang!


_Just a Christmas one-shot I needed to excise from my mind (itself a lovely break from the grim intensity of Surrogate). Darn this holiday spirit. Bah, humbug!_

"Ooh, Pearl, I know that one! It's mince pies!"

"Steven, the clue is 'appears at the end of the winter season'. And it's nine letters, not five and four! Were you even listening when I explained how the crossword puzzle works?"

"Come on!" Steven pouted in Pearl's general direction. "It's a Christmas puzzle! Mince pies have to be in there somewhere. Sadie says they're the Big Donut's holiday speciality!"

"No, Steven, I really don't think so," Pearl harrumphed in response, absent-mindedly tapping her pen against her newspaper. Next to her Steven sat, pointing excitedly at the page on which she found herself stuck. In the little red-and-white outfit she'd picked up for him from the local clothing depot, based on what was presumably the legendary human idol Santa Claus, deliverer of mirth and joy to all good human children, he looked so ridiculously cute that she couldn't help but drop the things in her hand and pull him into a tight hug.

"Ow, Pearl!" he laughed through gasping breaths, struggling to pull himself free. "You're choking me! Let me go, Pearl!"

"Sorry," she said, "I just couldn't control myself. You're so adorable!" She blushed as she let him go free and resumed playing at the Christmas crossword puzzle she had been working her way through all morning. Some humans were fiendishly inventive; even with her self-professed brilliant mind, she felt stumped by some of the hints.

Steven stretched out across the couch, leaning his head on Pearl's lap as he looked towards the kitchen. She ruffled his hair ever so slightly, bending down to plant a quick peck on his forehead, and he grinned back at her.

They had been working on the puzzle together all morning. Steven wasn't exactly a big help even at the best of times (his nine-year-old mind struggled to parse some of the bigger words, let alone the esoteric human clues) but just having him around relaxed her and helped bring the meaning of the celebration, and the puzzle, back into focus. Had she been more inclined she'd have taken a sip of the hot cocoa Steven had brewed for them all, but this morning she was content to just idle away, without a care in the world, spending time with her family.

"Twenty-seven," she mused, reading the clue. "It appears at the end of the winter." Given that the only clue she had was the letter G at the beginning of the word, she felt entitled to feel a little vexed. Humans were too ingenious for their own good sometimes.

Glancing at the prostrate Steven in her lap and admiring the way the white light sparkled in his eyes, a sudden flash of inspiration zipped through her head-

"Galanthus!" she cried out, alarming Steven as she scribbled at the page.

"Garnet!" Greg's voice, loud as it was, still struggled to carry across the beach over the din of the rising waves and gale-force winds. "Where are you? I have the turkey!"

Careful not to trip on any of the large rocks haphazardly scattered across the floor, Greg clambered over the pier and waddled towards Garnet holding a foil-wrapped turkey high above his head.

"Just look at it!" Laughing, Greg unwrapped the foil and displayed it proudly for all to see. Garnet cocked her head slightly, but otherwise remained expressionless. "It's almost as big as I am!"

"I doubt it," she said, voice deadpan but face pulled into a smirk.

"Wow, rude much?" Greg wrapped the oversized bird back up and smiled. "What are we going to do about cooking this baby?"

Garnet hummed, considering, before materialising a large black gem in her hand. It gleamed with an inner fire, in stark contrast to its silky black skin, and as Greg eyed it warily, he could almost have sworn that it exuded a thin black smoke that sank in the air like dead weight, greasily coating the ground beneath them.

"What's that?" He whispered, in mixed parts awe and fear.

"Obsidian," Garnet said, closing a gauntleted fist around it. "It will handle the cooking for us."

"Great!" Greg couldn't wait. He could already taste the turkey in his mouth, succulent and juicy. "Let's get cooking!"

Nodding, Garnet followed the jubilant human inside.

Amethyst decided she lived a life hard done by.

Arms loaded up with more wrapped-up boxes of gifts than she knew what to do with, she tottered down the main street of Beach City, stopping every now and then to shuffle the junk she held around and peek out around it all to get some idea of where she was going.

"Why'm I doin' this anyway?" she muttered, slowly and carefully turning the corner down towards the beachfront past the Big Donut and on the path to the temple. "Stupid Pearl, making me go all the way out here to get Steven's stupid presents from stupid Greg's stupid garage…"

Choosing to ignore the people she either ran down or bludgeoned out of the way, Amethyst made her way down the road. Some of them were, if nothing else, decent enough to wish her and the others season's greetings before clumsily sloughing towards wherever they were headed, but most simply got in her way, making her angrier and angrier.

"That's not very Christmassy of you!" someone called out from behind her, and she turned to throw her the most spine-chilling glare of her life before stomping down the beach.

"Wait up!" the same voice called again, and Amethyst groaned as the sound of footsteps caught up with her.

"Can you just, like, leave me alone?" she said, glaring at the offending party, but the petite blonde smiled sheepishly and reached over, taking a few of the boxes from her hands. Begrudgingly Amethyst nodded her thanks at her.

"So," the girl started awkwardly, "you're Steven's mom, right?"

"Huh?" Amethyst's face betrayed her confusion, but her features quickly straightened and she chuckled, straightening up. She felt much less encumbered without so many gifts in her hands, and shape-shifting hadn't occurred to her until long after she'd grabbed them all and gotten moving. "Nah, I'm basically his big sister. Cool and fun, you know? Totally not mom-like at all, no way."

The thought made her retch. If any of them were Steven's mother, it would be the neurotic, obsessive Pearl. She still watched him sleep! Amethyst had cut that out when he had stopped being a baby and she felt like she could leave him alone without him choking to death in his sleep.

"Oh!" the girl looked bemused. "I guess you're right. The white lady is his mom, then?"

"She just thinks she is," Amethyst scoffed. "But she's not. Neither is the red one. Garnet. I'm Amethyst. The big-nosed birdie is Pearl."

"I get it!" A bright smile lit the tiny girl's face. "You're all Steven's moms! That's so cool!"

"I guess." Now it was Amethyst's turn to ask questions. "Why are you asking?"

"Oh!" Was 'oh' all this girl knew how to say? Everything seemed to surprise her. "Oh yeah! That was it!"

After rummaging through the bag slung across her back for a few seconds, the stumpy girl pulled out a small package wrapped in shiny paper, with a bright red ribbon tied on the top. Her intentions quickly crystallised in Amethyst's mind.

She wanted to load her up with another present.

"This is for Steven," the girl said, grinning. Amethyst detected the distinct note of fondness in her voice, and it brought a little bit of the Christmas spirit into her own grumpy heart.

"Oh yeah?" Amethyst said, taking the present out of the girl's hands as they approached the stairs to the house. "What is it?"

"It's just something small," she said, shaking her head. "I started working at the Big Donut back there this year, and Steven is…"

"Steven is what?" Amethyst said after the blonde girl's momentary pause.

"He's a really good kid," she finished, beaming. "He can be a bit crazy sometimes, but life wouldn't be the same without him. He makes Beach City bearable."

"Uh huh?" Amethyst couldn't keep the smile off her own face, especially given that Steven made her feel the same way. Life hadn't been the same since he'd come storming into it. "You think so?"

"Yeah," said the girl, unceremoniously dumping the many boxes in her hands in front of the door. "And looking at these," she continued, rifling through the tags, "so does everyone else!"

"Yup," was all Amethyst could think to say in return.

"Hey!" trilled the blonde girl as Steven jumped out of his seat on the couch and ran to her, enveloping her in a warm hug.

"Merry Christmas, Sadie!" Steven chirped, circling her, eyes trained on the presents she held. "Are those all for me?"

"Merry Christmas to you, too, Steven!" Sadie (apparently the girl's name, Amethyst thought, not bothering to commit it to memory) plopped the various boxes beneath the large, brightly lit Christmas tree in the corner, stopping to admire how it towered over her. "That's a huge tree! Did you decorate it yourself?"

"Yeah!" Clambering up the larger branches, Steven climbed to the top of the tree, perching himself where an angel or a star would usually have sat. Amethyst couldn't help but giggle at the way Steven radiated joy at the peak of the tree, nor the much funnier way Pearl stuck both her hands in her mouth and began chewing on her fingernails as she nervously watched the thing sway from side to side under his weight.

"Steven, get down from there this instant!"

Steven sallied down from the pinnacle of the tree as leisurely as he could manage. Amethyst grabbed him when he came down into reaching distance, tucking him neatly under her arm.

"Nice one," she whispered slyly into his ear, winking.

"No, not nice! Not at all! Steven, you should know better!"

Trust P of all people to overhear her and Steven's little secret and take it as a cue to start ranting. Amethyst buckled up and strapped herself in for the deluge of complaints as the blonde girl waved goodbye and inched out the front door.

Garnet, veering clear of Pearl's ranting in the lounge, tugged Greg by the sleeve of his shirt and dragged his limp, unresisting body towards the kitchen.

"Is the turkey done?" His inquiry went largely unnoticed.

"We have a problem." She waved Amethyst over, and the other Gem came slinking into the kitchen behind them, leaving poor Steven at Pearl's mercy.

"What's up?" said Amethyst, picking idly at something stuck in her teeth, or possibly the teeth themselves. Garnet didn't particularly know or care.

"Steven's present hasn't arrived yet."

"What do you mean Steven's-" Greg yelped, but Garnet caught him midsentence, clamping a hand over his mouth and shushing him as she cast a cursory glance at Steven. Thankfully, Pearl seemed to be keeping him relatively occupied; he looked as sheepish as anyone else in the room would have in his position bar herself, eyes downcast and head in the clouds as Pearl continued her lecture.

"I mean it's not here yet."

"So what do we do?"

"We go get it!" Garnet agreed with Amethyst on that. It would be a short hop over to the next city for the Crystal Gems, where they could quite happily retrieve it from the depot and any unwilling employees unfortunate enough to both work there and refuse to hand over impounded goods to two terrifying, infuriated alien women…and Greg.

"That seems plausible," Greg said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "I choose to ignore any possible repercussions of you guys all doing that."

"Then let's go save Christmas!" Amethyst cried, jumping into the air, and Garnet nodded, making a move towards the door. She signalled to Pearl to keep Steven occupied, and the other Gem nodded curtly back, picking the small boy up and putting him on her shoulders. He cheered.

"Woo! Christmas-saving mission, begin!"

"No, Steven," Garnet said, shaking her head, "this mission is too dangerous for you. You'll have to stay here with Pearl."

"Oh." He deflated at that.

"Don't worry, Steven," Pearl soothed him as best she could, "we'll have lots of safe, Christmas-related fun right here in our living room! Won't that be nice?"

"I guess," he said, still disappointed, but Greg patted him on the head. His smile seemed to cheer the boy up.

"It'll be okay, son. We'll bring you back something nice."

"Yeah!" That set the boy's engines going again, for sure.

Garnet opened the door. Checking the weather outside for Greg's sake, she nodded once more, and left the room, closing the door behind her.

"Well, let's get going!"

As Amethyst made to follow her, the door swung open again, and Garnet walked back in.

"I forgot to mention."

"What is it?" the four others in the room said in unison.

"Obsidian has escaped with the turkey. Pearl, Amethyst, Steven, you'll have to go catch it."

Amethyst managed to catch the fainting Gem just before she hit the ground.

"What do you mean, Obsidian has escaped? How? How is this even possible?"

Pearl's frenzy was almost palpable, and Steven gently patted her on the shoulder, trying to get her to calm down. She leaned into his touch, but otherwise continued to shiver and moan, and Garnet felt obliged to show some sympathy. Especially given Obsidian's escape had been mainly her fault.

"I let it out," she said, hoping the admission wouldn't incur too much wrath from the other two. Her hopes failed; Pearl shrieked wildly at her words, and Amethyst's quiet growl said more to her anger than a punch in the face could have.

"You let her out?"

Had Garnet been a more vulnerable or less stoic Gem, the seething rage in Amethyst's voice would have made her flinch. Instead, she simply nodded, preparing herself for the incoming lambasting.

It did not come. Instead, Steven looked up at her, gulped, and began to tear up.

"Who's Obsidian?" He said lamely, clutching at Pearl's unresponsive hand.

"Obsidian was a powerful enemy," Garnet replied, sitting down cross-legged on the floor in front of the couch. Greg kneeled next to her, but Amethyst continued standing, arms crossed and foot tapping on the floor. "We battled it a long time ago and, with Rose's help, defeated it."

"So why are you so scared?" Steven's voice betrayed the fear his face tried so desperately to hide. "You've never been scared of anything before!"

Pearl's hand visibly tightened around Steven's.

"Steven," Amethyst said calmly, "Obsidian hurt P bad. Real bad."

"Yes," Garnet continued, "but we had Rose to heal us. Now, we don't."

That clearly hit close to home for Steven, who cringed and folded as though he'd taken a body blow. He looked for a moment as though he meant to apologise, but Garnet cut him off, removing her glasses to meet him eye-to-eye.

"It's not your fault." He opened his mouth to speak, but thought better of it, closing it again shortly afterwards. "Everything will be fine. Obsidian will be caught and Christmas will be saved."

Steven's lips quirked into a small but genuine smile, and Pearl relaxed somewhat next to him, regaining some measure of self-control.

"You think so?"

"I know so." Replacing her glasses, Garnet got to her feet. Amethyst made to follow her, but she took her by the arm and led her aside.

"Don't tell me," Amethyst sighed, "you're going alone."

Garnet paused to reply before leaving.

"Then I won't."

Amethyst didn't bother trying to hide her frustration.

"Hey!"

Approaching shouting from all directions did not deter Garnet from her task as she meticulously sorted through the boxes and boxes of parcels in the local delivery warehouse. She'd been fairly careful to avoid being detected, but the mounting urgency of her mission did not escape her; on Christmas Eve the warehouse would close up shop earlier than normal and Steven would be left in the lurch, awaiting a present that would not come. Knowing Steven she knew he wouldn't be altogether affected by it (and in lieu of the mountain of gifts he'd received from elsewhere, he had no reason to be), but even in spite of that knowledge, the thought of him not getting his wonderful gift the Gems had chosen just for him sent chills down her spine.

"She's over here!" Another bodiless voice yelled from nearby. At the end of the aisle, a group of men scurried towards her; they hadn't yet caught on to her presence, but it was only a matter of time before they did.

She couldn't afford to be found.

Deftly she slipped back into the shadows, arms metamorphosing into some approximation of a human clad in the uniform of the freight company, and waved at the oncoming humans to follow her. Then her arm-puppet fled down the aisle, away from where she hid, and the others followed, sufficiently tricked out of their pursuit.

When the coast looked clear, she resumed her search. Beneath the mounds of parcels (unsorted gifts from across the world, she assumed), at the very bottom of the pile, she found a small box wrapped in bright red and white paper, bearing the visage of Santa Claus and a postcard taped to the top.

That was it.

"We can't find her over here!"

That one was too close for comfort. Hauling the package out of the skip and chucking the other parcels aside, she sprung into the air, through the skylights of the warehouse, and landed gracefully on the corrugated iron roofing. The resulting echo rang clear and high through the night's ambience, and the congregation of men beneath her feet began to make their way towards the ladders leading to the roof, rejuvenated by the disturbance.

She needed to move quickly. If she didn't make it back soon, she wouldn't make it back, and if she left it too late, everything would be pointless.

A bolt of lightning flashed above her head and, in a sudden storm of inspiration, Garnet had the best idea she'd had all day.

"So what's the plan with Obsidian, P?" asked Amethyst, taking a swig from her cooled glass of hot cocoa.

"I don't know," Pearl replied, glumly staring into the bottom of her own. Navel-gazing wasn't really the other Gem's thing, most of the time, but now Amethyst could see her long-time nemesis frozen by doubt and indecision. "We need to formulate some kind of plan, first, but…"

The other Gem trailed off, and Amethyst finished her sentence as kindly as she knew how.

"Your plan blew up in our faces last time and now you're clueless?"

"In so many words, yes." Pearl's face twisted into a frown. "Literally, in my case."

"So are you cool with joking about it now?" Amethyst had been waiting for this for a long time. "Because I'm totally cool with laughing about you getting fried."

"Yes, this is how I wanted to spend Christmas Eve," Pearl snarled, "being chided for recklessness by you, of all people."

"You had it coming, P."

"Be that as it may," Pearl snapped, quickly losing her temper, "I highly doubt standing around here making fun of me is going to get us our turkey back!"

Amethyst had to admit she preferred Pearl's usual fiery, neurotic self to the introspective, emotional mess that was Crisis Pearl. For all they fought, they also played off each other, and no one in the world made Amethyst feel as alive as Pearl did. They had a chemistry all their own.

"Um, guys?" Steven chimed in, cautiously raising a hand as he backed away from the window. "I don't wanna interrupt you, but there's something out there, and it's really, really big!"

"What is it, Steven?" Pearl asked, joining him by the window. Then the two of them reeled back in alarm. Amethyst managed to catch the tail end of a shadow streak past the glass, pressing up against it, but it disappeared as quickly as it came, leaving only a trail of ashes behind it.

"That's it." She said, summoning her whip hastily. Pearl fumbled at her gem for her spear, but it would not come no matter how hard she called, and Amethyst quickly realised that she was going to be alone in the next fight. Pearl was useless around that monster.

"Looks like it's up to us, Amethyst," Steven said, taking a deep breath and puffing out his chest proudly. The words registered in Amethyst's head, but didn't quite click, and she made to respond in the affirmative before realising what he'd said. By the time she put it together and screamed for him to stop, he'd already left the house.

Unfortunately for the two of them, Pearl remained frozen over, though she had apparently retained the clarity of mind to reach out towards the door that now flapped lamely in the wind where Steven had run outside. Amethyst held her face in her hands for a short while – mostly out of shame – before chasing after him, cracking her whip.

The scene she encountered was almost comical, or would have been if not for the eerie absence of light and sound. A dark, shimmering fractal extended in all directions from a foci in which floated the most distended turkey Amethyst had ever seen, pulsating in time with the fractal's growth. Every now and then, it would belch up a dreadful mass of ash that would soar away on the wild winds circling the area, building up into some kind of ash tornado. Inside it, just out of reach, Steven sat, crouched into a huddling position with his arms held over his head as though to defend himself from the ash tendrils that whipped angrily at him.

Seeing him so scared filled Amethyst with fury, and she leapt towards the turkey, whip in hand ready to deal righteous justice. As she collided with the tornado barrier, the winds gained in speed, and threw her backwards with stunning force.

She landed in a heap at the mouth of the ocean, and laid there for a precious peaceful moment. Tides lapping against her hair, stars twinkling in the deep black sky above her head, snowflakes falling dreamily into the sand around her, made for a relaxing scene.

"Snow?" she mumbled, blearily sitting up, before cottoning on. The little flakes around her weren't snow. They were ashes, and they choked the air around her. Had she needed to breathe, she'd have struggled tremendously, and that knowledge forced her to her feet.

She needed to get Steven out of there.

Within the ash tornado, he had fallen over, and now he lay on his side, curled into the fetal position and coughing intensely. Amethyst despaired. She knew from prior experience that she couldn't hope to penetrate the ash tornado, and Steven, stuck inside alone, was suffering something he should never have had to. Not on her watch.

Viciously she pummelled at the barriers separating her from him, but it did no good. Nothing could penetrate them, and she fell to her knees in exhausted defeat.

The sound of another voice roused her from her trance, and she looked up to see Pearl at the top of the stairs, rushing towards the ash tornado.

"Steven!" she screamed desperately, ramming into the barrier repeatedly. Her eyes were filled with tears and she seemed to be struggling in Obsidian's excruciatingly hot corona, but she relentlessly ploughed into the tornado again and again and again until, completely spent, she fell to her knees.

Something in the tornado moved, making Amethyst's stomach rise into her throat, and she watched as the tornado's tendrils reached down to Pearl and wrapped themselves around her. It almost seemed to recognise her on some visceral level. Amethyst's already tired heart began to wither and tear when the tendrils started squeezing, and Pearl didn't make a sound, simply hanging unresisting as she rose into the air, borne on vines of resentful, angry grey.

A sizzling noise, like searing meat, emanated from Pearl's alabaster skin as marks began to appear where the ash tendrils constricted around her, crushing her like a vice.

For the first time in her long, long life, Amethyst closed her eyes and prayed. To who or what she didn't know, nor did she care; her only thought was of her friends. Amidst the darkness and the roaring ashen winds, she almost gave up hope, until a single strong note of sound pierced the cacophony around her and everything turned to white.

After a few moments, the whiteness eased away, and she opened her eyes fearfully, looking around for Obsidian and whatever had caused the sudden change in atmosphere. Almost as soon as she started seeking it, she found it, however, and seeing it shocked her like nothing else.

Obsidian was gone. The turkey sat unthreateningly on the ground, still distended but now in a way that made her think it had something stuffed inside it. Pearl, covered in blistering red sores and welt marks but more joyful than she'd ever seen her, held a sleepy Steven in her arms, rocking him back and forth as she cried into his hair. Greg had appeared behind them, and he looked even more confused than she felt.

Relief flooded through her as she inched towards them, dragging her exhausted body across the ground. It was hard for her hands to find purchase in the sand, but she carried on, and took Steven gratefully into her arms for a titanic hug when she finally managed to reach him.

"What happened?" she asked wearily, wiping at her damp eyes, and Steven smiled, yawning through his explanation.

"I was really scared, and I thought you two were in trouble." The fact that he had been thinking of them before himself made her swell with pride, especially given Obsidian had endangered his life most. She ruffled his hair a little and he blushed. "I tried to reach out to the turkey and get it to stop hurting Pearl, but I couldn't make it. I'm sorry I failed, Pearl."

The hug the other Gem gave Steven looked so tight it would have crushed him.

"No, Steven, you were wonderful," Pearl choked out through her sobbing, straightening the collar of his Santa Claus outfit. "So brave. Just don't ever do it again, okay?"

"So what saved us?" She hated to distract Pearl from her motherly ministrations, but she needed to know, and also needed to get to bed as soon as possible. Every inch of her body ached, even if it was all just a projection of her gemstone.

"Santa!" Steven squealed. Disbelief must have set up some sort of billboard on Amethyst's face, because Pearl simply nodded, as though actually confirming it true.

"That's not even possible," she laughed, though the laugh felt hollow and fake even to her. "Santa isn't real, dummy!"

"He is too!" Steven was adamant about that. "He saved us, and then he gave me this, and rode off into the sky!"

He held out a package, tied up in red and white paper with Santa Claus' face on it and a postcard taped to the top, and in Amethyst's head everything began to make sense again.

She didn't even try to stop the cheeky grin spreading across her face.

"Huh!" she cackled in glee, standing and helping Pearl and Steven to their feet. "I guess Santa is real. Miracles do happen!"

"Yeah!" Steven's happiness was infectious.

Behind them, Greg lagged behind with the turkey, content to keep his silence.

"Well?" Garnet said to them in the kitchen. For some reason, Steven noticed, she was wearing an odd Christmas ha. He brushed those thoughts off, though, and ran to hug her leg. She knelt down and embraced him in turn, taking the hat from her own head and affixing it to his.

"Now I look just like Santa!" Steven laughed, in his best imitation of Saint Nick's trademark laugh, and Garnet, in a rare show of amusement, laughed before sending him off to bed.

"Remember, the faster you fall asleep, the faster Christmas comes!" Pearl called after him. As soon as he'd settled into his bed and begun snoring, she collapsed onto the sofa, and Amethyst followed suit, wiping the remains of cold sweat away from her forehead.

"Did you two recapture Obsidian?" inquired Garnet.

"Sort of," Amethyst answered, putting her feet up on the coffee table. "We had a little help."

"Oh?" Garnet's face remained still and serene as ever. Amethyst almost believed it. "Are you okay, Pearl?"

The other Gem gave no answer. She'd dozed off, the wounds all over her body beginning to heal already, and Garnet simply lifted her into her arms before turning towards the temple door.

"Hey, Garnet?" Amethyst called after her friend and leader.

"What is it?"

"Thanks."

For a few brief moments, the two of them shared a meaningful look, before Garnet smirked and said:

"For what?"

"For a merry Christmas."

"I don't know what you mean."

As the other Gem turned and walked away, Amethyst caught a glimpse of a fake beard hanging from her pocket.

_Oh, the weather outside is frightful,_

_ But inside, it's so delightful._

_ Since we've no place to go,_

_ Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!_

"Can we change the channel? All these old-timey Christmas songs make me feel old."

"Greg, shut up and eat your roast beef."

"Hey, Pearl, what happened to the turkey?"

"I threw it away. Did anyone really want to eat it?"

"Nah. I say food should only hurt you on the inside."

"Wow, dad, this stuffing is so good!"

"Consider it your Christmas present from your old man!"

"But what about my new ukulele?"

"Don't worry, Steven, you've got lots of other presents, one of them's bound to contain a ukulele!"

"Pearl, are you saying you guys bought me a ukulele?"

"You won't know until you open it!"

"Can I open it now?"

"Not until after dinner, Steven!"

"I'm done! Let me go open it!"

"No."

"Aww, Garnet! Please?"

"Eat your sprouts."

"But I hate brussels sprouts!"

"Don't you wanna grow up big and strong like your old man?"

"I guess…"

"Relax, Steve-O! Dessert's up next, and I made it myself!"

"Wow! What is it?"

"I don't know! That's what makes it fun!"

"Wow, that's gross, Amethyst!"

"Steven, stop picking at your greens and eat them or you won't get any of Amethyst's disgusting dessert!"

_It doesn't show signs of stopping,_

_ And I've brought some corn for popping._

_ The lights are turned way down low,_

_ Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!_

"Oh, wow, this one's from Sadie! What's inside it?"

"Steven, please, don't just throw the wrapping paper on the floor, I have to clean it up!"

"You don't have to, P."

"Then who else will?"

"Why bother?"

"Why? You're disgusting, Amethyst! Don't you know anything about basic hygiene?"

"As if I'd bother with that human junk!"

"I can tell you don't from the smell of your room!"

"Umm, does this happen often, Garnet?"

"Yes, Greg. No, you two, stop fighting. Yes, Pearl, that means you. No, Steven, that's not what you do with that. Yes, Steven, it is meant to hurt. It's a good pain."

"Oh, man, I wish I could find my new ukulele! Which one is it in, Garnet?"

"Have you tried the one Santa gave you?"

"How did you know Santa gave me a present?"

"No reason. Just open it."

_When we finally kiss goodnight,_

_ How I'll hate going out in the storm._

_ But if you'll really hold me tight,_

_ All the way home, I'll be warm!_

"Oh, wow, it's snowing! Isn't it beautiful?"

"It's much nicer than that nasty ash, eh, P?"

"I suppose so. At least it doesn't burn. Steven, what are you doing?"

"Catching one on my tongue! You try it, Pearl!"

"No thank you! That's disgusting-wait, Amethyst, don't play along with him!"

"Ah, come on, P, lighten up! It's Christmas!"

"Yeah, Pearl, all the lights are on and the music's playing and everything's great! It's the perfect holiday!"

"Oh, alright. If you insist. I suppose it's only water, it can't hurt."

"That's the spirit!"

"Dad, Garnet, you two should join in!"

"I'm way ahead of you, son!"

"Gross, dad! Stop licking me!"

"Steven, these snowflakes all melt on my tongue. I don't like this."

"It's because you're so hot, Garnet."

"Wow, Greg, forward much?"

"That's not what I meant, Amethyst, and you know it!"

"Can we please all stop messing around and just be quiet and enjoy the snow?"

"Yeah, what Pearl said!"

"Oh, okay. But first, there's something I wanna do."

"What is it, Greg?"

"Yeah, Greg, tell us!"

"Come on, Dad!"

"Why don't we all shout 'Merry Christmas' together? You know, as a celebration? It's been a good Christmas, I'd say."

"Even with the crazy monster attack?"

"Santa saved us! It was a Christmas miracle!"

"And the present thieving?"

"It's not theft if it's yours."

"And the overcooked beef and brussels sprouts and all that other stuff?"

"They're what made it great! We all got to go through it together!"

"Yes, Steven, I suppose you're right."

"So whaddya say?"

"I say we go for it!"

"That's the spirit, Pearl!"

"Then on the count of three!"

"One…"

"Two…"

"Three!"

"Merry Christmas, everyone!"

"And a happy New Year!"

"Oh, no, don't remind me! I forgot to get the trimmings for the New Year's party!"

_Oh, the fire is slowly dying,_

_ And, my dear, we're still good-bying,_

_ But as long as you love me so,_

_ Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!_

_I hope you all enjoyed reading that as much as I enjoyed writing it. Have a very merry Christmas (even those who don't celebrate it) and a happy New Year!_


End file.
